Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
