I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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