you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
