??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
