absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
