i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
