I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
