Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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