i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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