when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You took a bar mat shot.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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