i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
