I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
