your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
