so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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