im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
