Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
