sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
