I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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