I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
