If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
You just made me feel so damn special
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
