today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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