sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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