Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
