when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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