So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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