just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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