the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
