wat bout pragnant strippers??
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
