The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Panties = found
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
