her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
