i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
