I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize