apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
