You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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