end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
