Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
