then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
