I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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