just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
