maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
