What tipped you off? The sombrero?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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