Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
