This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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