:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
