theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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