You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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