Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
