I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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