My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You took a bar mat shot.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
