You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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