YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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