Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
