Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You took a bar mat shot.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
