No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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