i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
