im having a threesome with these popsicles
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
