im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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