You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
