we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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