In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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