I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
