i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
