well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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