I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
