I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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