i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
